拍摄纪录片是我的最爱，因为我可以从头到尾，自己做主，不必与任何人妥协。

　　——虞敏琳（奥斯卡金像奖、最佳纪录片得主）

　　引子：奥斯卡对于中国人来说是一个难言的情结，而在大洋彼岸的美国，一个英文名字叫杰西卡的女孩，1997年获得当年的奥斯卡金像奖，却不被大多数中国人所知，她就是今年34岁的的华裔女导演虞琳敏。一个用镜头记录生活的电影人，一个曾经笑傲全美的击剑高手。

　　解说：从享誉世界的好莱坞，驱车到虞琳敏的家，只需要四十分钟。在这四十分钟里，我们经历了从喧嚣浮躁到宁静安逸。

　　虞琳敏和丈夫马克·赛尔斯曼住在山上，寻找他们的家我们颇费了些周折。喷泉，阳光，一对年轻恬淡的夫妻，五年前的荣耀似乎已经渐渐淡去，山下的热闹也仿佛与他们没有干系。我们的造访却将他们硬生生拽回到那个夜。

　　马克·赛尔斯曼:她获奥斯卡之后，当然，一切都变化得非常快，真是一夜之间，第二天电话就响个不停，整个屋子都堆满了鲜花，而且一时间上百万，上亿的人在电视上见到了她，所以甚至当我去超市买东西时，人们都会鼓掌说，这是杰西卡。虞的丈夫。常常我接起电话，就有个人说，“我找杰西卡。虞”，我说，“她现在不在，我可以带个信吗？”然后他就问，“你是她的秘书吗？”我说，“不，我是她丈夫”，“哦，虞先生，久仰大名”。所以一切都改变得很突然，但是是朝着好的方向。和一个出名的人结婚是件快乐的事，这是好事，毕竟不是因为做坏事出名。从这个意义上说，还是很好的，当然我有时也嫉妒，我也愿意受到关注，但不管发生什么，我都可以活下去。(after she won the Oscar, then of course, things changed very quickly. Really overnight, the next day, phone is ringing all day, the house was full of flowers and all of a sudden, the millions actually billions of people had seen her in television and so even when I go to the supper market, people would applaud and say: there is the husband of Jessica Yu. And some times when phone was ring and I would pick it up and there always would be a person saying: Jessica you please,’ and I would said: ”she is not in right now, can I take a message? They say, are you her secretary? I say “no, I ‘m her husband”, “oh, Mr. Yu, we’ve heard so much about you.” So suddenly everything changed, but in a good way. It’s fun to be marry to someone who is well known for it doing something really good, it’s different thing being well known for doing something bad. In this case, it’s just being great, but of course there are sometimes I’m jealous. I want attention too， but I can survive whatever things happened.)

　　同期：据说有些人听说自己得奖了就变得非常激动，寝食不安，甚至需要用安眠药，你那天睡的好吗？

　　虞琳敏:事实上，你知道，之前我有些紧张但没被吓着，你知道我的意思吗，我只是很激动。所以，被提名是件好事，即使只被提名没有得奖也是很好的。所以这是一种很好的感觉，不寻常的感觉，并非每一天都有的。(Beforehand I was nervous but not scared, do you know what I mean, I was just excited. So, it’s good to be nominated, if you just get nominated and you don’t win and it still a good thing, so that’s why it was a very good feeling but you know. It was very unusual, not everyday you have that to look forward to.)

　　解说：那是每个电影人梦寐以求的时刻，然而对虞琳敏而言，站在奥斯卡领奖台上远不如发现手镯上的一颗钻石丢失来的更为紧张，因为，那套衣服和手镯都是借来的。

　　虞琳敏：有意思的是，当你被提名后，有些地方会出租给你昂贵的衣服和首饰。我借了一些，但是突然间我感到很紧张，万一我弄丢了那些钻石的戒指耳环怎么办。当我从珠宝店回来的时候，那家著名的珠宝商亨利.云斯顿，他们借给我一条镶满钻石的手链，我低头看时发现少了一颗钻石。天哪，我已经丢失过一个了，那晚我没有睡好，第二天他们打电话来告诉我它掉在托盘上了，在盒子里，他们说别担心。但从那以后，我说我再也不要了，太受刺激了。（it is funny that when you get nominated there are places that will loan you the expensive dress and expensive jewelry. I borrowed these things but actually, all of a sudden, I felt very nervous, cause I thought what if I lose this, you know this diamond ear rings and so when I was driving back from the jewelry store, the Harry Winston the famous jeweler, they lend me a bracelet that has lots of diamonds, and I looked down that one was missing. My God, all ready I lost one, so that night I didn’t sleep very well, they called on the next day and said, oh, it fell out in the tray, it’s kept in the box, they said don’t worry about that. But after that I said no more, you know I don’t want this any more…too nerve-racking。

　　我穿戴的东西比我做的片子还贵，我数了数，把那些珠宝和服装加起来的钱要比我片子的成本多出几倍。那是种有趣的感觉。（what I was wearing cost more than my film but I counted the jewelry also, if you put the cost of the jewelry and the dress together, many times more than my film cost. It was a very funny feeling.）

　　解说：“当你的行头比你的电影预算还要贵的时候，你会意识到，你离成功不远了。”虞琳敏当晚的发言荣登九七年奥斯卡十大妙人妙语。这句玩笑话的背后，却道出了一个记录片导演的艰辛。

　　虞琳敏：做纪录片最难的是筹集资金，那是最难的事。假如你看一下片尾字幕，有时会看到我姐姐的名字，我哥哥的名字，我父母的名字，我祖父的名字。因为每个人都帮了忙，然后经常会有人无偿地或不计报酬地为某个片子工作。那些人只是想帮忙，因为他们喜欢这个节目。（The hardest thing with documentaries is…raising the money. That’s the hardest thing. If you look at the credits of the film, sometimes you see my sister’s name, my brother’s name, my parents’ name, my grandfather…because everyone helps out, and then a lot of times people work on the film work for free or work for very little… and the wonderful people they just wanted to help you out, because they like the project.）

　　解说：在虞琳敏电影的片尾字幕中，经常会出现她的家人及朋友的名字，投资者，助理，甚至是演员。记录片对于他们来说，或许是爱屋及乌；但对于虞琳敏而言，则是事业，是可以让她置各种困难于不顾而要努力实现的梦想。

　　虞琳敏：我母亲和我父亲都很支持我，有时我们在拍节目，他们就会带些吃的来。有时我姐姐会帮忙停车，以免我们被开罚单，有时我弟弟会来帮忙。因此，有一个支持你的家庭是非常重要的，我很幸运，据我所知有很多，特别是亚洲移民会认为做这个事情太冒险。不容易养活自己。（A: my mother and my father are very supportive and sometimes when we were shooting, they would bring the food. Sometimes my sister would help park the cars, so we wouldn’t get a ticket, and sometimes my brother would help out. So it’s very important to have a supportive family and I’m luck that way, I mean I know a lot of, special a lot of Asians, they just, it’s considered something a little too risky or too weardess to do for a living. And it is risky, it’s not easy.）

　　同期；你找不到钱，或者说遇到困难的时候是否想过放弃？

　　虞琳敏：我想，做每一部片子都会有这个问题，那就是筹集资金，而且你并不知道是否能够成功。但是我所做的每一部片子都是我喜欢的，最终我还是成功地完成了它们。一方面是因为你的运气，另一方面是因为你不放弃。有一部片子我已经做了两年了，最后终于筹到了资金。所以，你必须同时进行许多事情，但最主要的是假如你对这个构想有信心，而且你觉得这会是一部好片子，通常都会找到一个好办法，这并不容易。（I think with every film there’s always a point where you try to raise the money and you don’t know if you going to be able to do it. But every project that I’ve started that’s a film that I really want to do, I actually have succeeded in getting it made. Part of it just because you get lucky, and the other part is because you just keep trying. There’s a film I working on now that I’ve been working on for two years we finally got the funding. So. You have to have other things you do at the same time, but I think the main thing is that if you have confidence in the idea and you think it’ll be a good film, usually you can find a way.

　　同期：除了家人，在外面你通过什么方式筹集到资金？

　　虞琳敏：大胆而且有恒心。你知道，但也得让人相信你可以用这些钱作出真正有价值的事情。你不能只是说，给我这些钱吧，因为我真的需要它们。brave and persistent…you know, but also of people feel like you actually can do something worthwhile with the money. You can’t just say, give me the money, because I really want it.

　　获得奥斯卡奖后你的生活是否有所改变？

　　虞琳敏：得了奥斯卡以后一切变得特别繁忙。很多电话，很多会议，但我真正想做的是继续拍我喜欢的电影。最近我在拍另一个纪录片，并且一直在做电视剧和广告等各种工作，但我还是继续做自己喜欢做的事情。（A: After the Oscar things got very, very busy, very busy. Lots of phone calls, and lots of meetings, but the thing is that I really wanted to continue making the kind of films that I like to do. Recently I went on to make another documentary, and I’ve been doing some television drama and some commercials, so different types of work but I also continue to do the work that I really enjoy.）

　　解说：也许对于记录片导演来说，更多的时候，最好的办法只能是等待，固守着创作的自主权，等待。

　　虞琳敏：每一个项目都很难，都有各自的问题。因为你想要保持自由的创作，能控制局面，所以这不仅是筹钱的问题，而是要通过正确的途径筹钱，这样会有人说，好，我可以给你钱但你必须这样做，或必须像这样，这个得在这儿这样拍。。。。。。你希望能自由地按照自己的想法去做，否则就不值得了。（every project is difficult, every project has it’s own problems. Because the thing is you want to retain the create of freedom, the create of control, so it’s not just you try to raise the money but you try to raise the money in the right way, so that somebody can come along and say ok, I give the money but you have to do it this way, or it has to be like this, it’s got to be here… you want to have the freedom to make it the way you want or it’s not worth it.）

　　解说：等待是最为消磨心志的一件事情，太多的人在等待中丧失了勇气，但虞琳敏甚至能将等待的烦躁转化为另一种创作的激情。在筹拍一部关于一群再现南北战争的人的片子过程中，她再次遇到了资金的困难，等待中，虞琳敏拍摄了一部只有三分钟的短片。

　　虞琳敏：哦，当然。那部片子拍的是些吃世界上最酸的糖的人。当然我也要去寻找最酸的糖。所以我尝试了不同的糖，最后我发现一种非常酸的糖，我说，好，就是这个，当我拿着这些糖给孩子们吃时，其中一个大声地哭了。我说，好了，不要了，不要了，然后给了他一些水，可是五分钟以后他又想吃那个糖了。这是一部非常荒唐而滑稽的片子。我们做得很快。Oh. Sour Death Balls, It’s a film about people eating the world sourest candy. Of course, I have to look for the world sourest candy, so I tried different kind of candies and finally I found one that was so awful, I said ok, this one would be good, so I got the candy, and the thing is that when I give to little kids it was too source one of them started crying, so I said no, no, no, and I gave them some water, and then five minutes later, he wanted to eat it again, so that one was just silly and fun. We just do that very quickly.

　　非常可笑的一个片子。我拍了一群不同年龄的人，你知道，有小孩，有大人，给他们吃世界上最酸的糖，然后记录下他们的表情。看上去很傻，但结果却大受欢迎。

　　（it’s very silly. What it is a bunch of different people, you know, children and adults eating the world’s sourest candy and so it’s just their expressions. It’s very silly but ended up being very successful.）

　　同期：通过这种方式你找到了一种自我平衡的途径？

　　虞琳敏：是的。是这样的，有时候你会感到十分沮丧，因为你想做，你可以做这个项目，这种时候最重要的是要找点事情做，这样你才能继续拍电影。所以为此，我只想做点有趣的事。（right. Well, sometimes when you get frustrated, because you can do the project you want to make then it’s important just to do something, because then you can keep making film. So, for this I just wanted to do something fun.）

　　解说：这个无心插柳之作为虞琳敏赢得了包括圣芭芭拉电影节最佳记录片短片在内的众多奖项。或许当初她满腹的酸涩比起这个酸死人的糖果来，也许有过之而无不及。而片中那个被酸到哭然后又伸手要糖果的小女孩，又像足了虞琳敏本人。不同的是，她的糖果是记录片。

　　虞琳敏：我在做大项目的间歇做了许多短片。这很令人满足，因为你可以自由地开始或结束，并将它们展示给大家。因为当你筹集资金时，整天都在打电话，等电子邮件，这是非常枯燥的，无法令人满足。I’ve made couple of short films in between the bigger projects. And it is satisfying because you can start, finish something and you can show it to people. Because sometimes when you raising the money you are on the phone all day, you are writing e-mail, you know, it’s very boring. It’s not very satisfying, but.

　　解说：14秒

　　 获得奥斯卡奖之后，虞琳敏接受了多个国际品牌的邀请，为其代言，因为，接下来她还有很多片子要拍，她需要更多的资金。

　　片花5秒

　　解说：《呼吸的代价》，导演虞琳敏，荣获1997年第69届奥斯卡最佳记录片奖。

　　同期：我叫马可·布莱恩，是加利福尼亚州伯克利的一名诗人和作家。我患有因病毒引起的骨髓灰质炎，就是人们通常称的小儿麻痹症。多数这类病人的情况并不太严重，可是有些人，比如我的情况就很特殊，事实上已经严重到了四肢瘫痪，离开这个机器就无法独立呼吸的程度。我可以离开它一小时左右，但大部分时间我是在铁肺里度过的。

　　解说：获奖后，虞琳敏将金像带到马克·布莱恩面前。

　　虞琳敏：得奖是意料之外的，我非常高兴，我也很为这个片子和所有帮助完成它的人感到自豪。但对我来说，得奖只是一种额外的收获，因为制作这部片子才是真正的回报。the prize was like something extra, I mean it was really wonderful, and I was really proud of the film, and everyone to help this out. But to me it was like an extra bonus, because the making of the film was the real reward of the process.

　　获奥斯卡奖至少有一个好处，那就是它使人们不仅关注这部片子而且开始关注马克。布莱恩和他的作品，以及其他。你也许从未想过会得奖，但它的确是有好处的。One thing that was wonderful about the Oscar is that I think it helped bring more attention to not only the film but to Mark O’Brien and his work, and so something like that.

　　同期：你觉得是什幺使你的影片获得奥斯卡奖？

　　虞琳敏：我想，不管有没有得奖，我每做一部片子的质量，技术等其他方面都会对我形成压力。我想假如你对自己做的事是认真的，那么每一次都会想做得更好。但同时，更多人在关注你，你知道，越来越多的人开始注意你，所以你的确感觉到压力，但这是好现象，我是说，并非许多亚洲人，亚洲女性在做导演，所以你必须要干得出色。如此人们才不会。。。人们才有理由认可你。我想，当你想得到一份工作或他们在决定是否应该让这个人导演的时候，任何一点不合格都会成为别人拒绝你的理由。这就是为什么竞争那么激烈，许多亚裔，许多女性都在这个行业里努力奋斗。A: I think that even though I know that in terms of the films that each one, the quality of the film, the technical pressures or whatever that they are greater with every film, that pressure I would have whether I won the award or not. I think if you are serious about what you do, you want to do better every time. But at the same time, more people are watching you, you know, you get more attention, so you do feel the pressure and …but I think it’s a good pressure, I mean there’s also not a whole lot of Asians, not a lot of women who direct and so you feel like you need to do good job. So that people won’t…so it’s a reason for…people to say, yes. I think when you get a job or when people are trying to decide, oh, should we let this person direct, anything that makes you different is kind of a reason to say no, so that’s why I think people struggle, a lot of Asians, a lot of women struggle to get jobs in this business.

　　哦，天哪，我想，这部片子真实反映了这个人物的故事，而且他非常非常坦诚，毫无保留地告诉我们他的生活，作品和他的经历。我想这就是人们的反响，他们透过他的视角看他的生活，而这种节目不是你每天都能从电视或电影上看到的。（A: oh, gosh. I think the main thing about this film is that it’s really this man’s story, and he speaks very, very honestly, very openly about his life and his work and what he’s been through. I think that’s what people responded to, they saw his life from his point of view, and it was something that you don’t see in movies or TV everyday.）

　　解说：起初，在太平洋通讯社的Sandy Close建议她制作一部关于马克的片子的时候，虞琳敏并不认为自己是合适的人选，因为这是一个严肃的题材，而她以往片子的风格都是比较滑稽另类的。但是当虞琳敏读完马克的著作——《呼吸》的时候，她改变了原先的主意。

　　虞琳敏：什幺促使我制作这部特别的片子？在“呼吸课程”之前，我的多数作品都是比较滑稽，比较娱乐的。我偶然间读到一篇文章，旧金山某个新的服务机构提供的，这个机构的负责人，一位女士给我打来电话，说她知道我做纪录片，并且建议应该有人拍一部关于马克。布莱恩的片子，他是他们机构的一位作家。当我听说这个消息时，我并不觉得自己是合适的人选。因为这可能会是一个很严肃的片子。然后我读了他的诗，他的文章，我一下被他说的话及他的声音吸引住了。他非常诚实，非常坦白。我很激动，因为我知道这将不仅是一部关于一个生活在痛苦中的小二麻痹症患者的片子，他将道出一个人的心声，他真正想告诉世界的话。我们的社会非常需要他对世界的这种理解方式，而他偏偏是一个与生活绝缘的人。这一切都让我充满兴趣。我非常想知道为什么像这样一个生活受到严重局限的人，却有着如此生动的想象力。他的现实生活和理想生活以及他的精神生活之间的距离是如此殊胜。这就是我对此感兴趣的原因。（What makes me interested in making this particular film is that? Ok Well, the think about this is that before “BTEATHING LESSONS” most of my films were kind of unusual and funny, and then when someone， I read an article, a new service in San Francisco. The woman who ran the service called me up and she said I know you are a filmmaker, and someone should really make a film about “Mark O’Brien”, he is one of our writers. So when I heard about him I thought I didn’t know I was the right person, ‘cause it’s, it could be a very serious film. But then I read his poetry and I read his articles, then I was so impressed by what he had to say and the voice that he had. He was very, very…it’s very honest and very direct. And so then I got very excited, because I thought the story is not just about someone who had polio, had a bad life, this is a film about somebody who’s got a voice, you really know what he wants to say. There were such an urgency to the way that he dress the world. But he was so isolated in his life, this thing is very interesting to me. I just want to find out more about how this person who has such a limited life, has such a vivid imagination, you know, there was kind of such a dichotomy between the way he lived, and the way he want to live and the way that his mind lived. So that’s why I was interested in it. ）

　　解说：虞琳敏感兴趣和关心的是马克的故事，他的心路历程，他这个人。这不是一个旁观者的观看，也不是在别人的故事里流自己的泪，而是一个值得信任的记录者，一个有耐心的倾诉对象，一个忠诚的转述者。

　　虞琳敏：是的。制作“马克 布莱恩”这个节目对我来说是一段不寻常的经历。因为在制作节目时他非常合作，非常非常信任我们。那段时间，虽然我们一起做了近一年的节目，我们并没有成为……，你知道，做节目时必须保持一定距离，集中精力在拍片上，假如距离太近会模糊感觉。当然，在制作结束后，我们成了非常好的朋友。我们之间的友谊一直保持了很多年直到他去世。失去多年的朋友我感到非常难过。但令人高兴的是这部影片的感染力在他去世后仍然延续着。因此我个人认为能交到这样一位朋友，享受我们的友谊是幸运的。他如此与众不同，不光与众不同，而且他对事物有非同寻常的洞察力。我喜欢同他谈论不同的话题，因为他对事物总是有一些有趣的理解， 像是政治或别的。（ Yeah. Well making the film about “Mark O’Brien ” was a really unusual experience, because he was so co-operative and let me just make the film, he is very, very trusting. And during that time, we worked on the film for about a year, but we didn’t become a ….,you know when you make the film, you have to keep a certain distance you have to just worked on the film together, because it can get confusing if you making the film for your body. But after the film was done, then we got to be very good friends, so we remained friends for several years till he died. And I was very hard loosing him after just couple years of being friends. But it was exciting to see what the impact of the film was on his life afterwards. So, I think personally it was just wonderful to make friend like that, and enjoy this company a lot, and he was very unusual, not very unusual but is very perceptive about things. I was enjoy talking to him about different issues，because he always had a very interesting take on things, you know, politics or whatever.）

　　虞琳敏：哦, 上帝。对此我不太确定。对于做纪录片，首先是人物的故事能激发我个人的好奇感和兴趣。一旦开始制作，我就尽量从题材本身出发去讲述。因此，假如你看此类节目，就会觉得片子中的人物是在直接与你交谈，因而你能获得更多有价值的东西。假如感觉我不存在，我没有产生影响，这就是对我最好的评价。当然在做节目时，是由我决定往里增加什幺或删除什幺，或者什幺事情我不管、什幺事情我要插手。我是说我向人们展示我想让他们知道的内容，但我希望人们感到是直接从人物身上获得的。我的确存在，但并不明显。这样回答可以吗？（ Oh, Gosh. I’m not sure, well, I think you know with documentaries, the thing is that, you know, what’s personal about them, is my own personal curiosity, my interest in these things. But once you started making the film, I try to tell the story as much from the prospective of the subject of the stories as I can. So if you watch the film, you feel like the person in the film is talking directly to you.，then you getting is much from their point of view. So if people think that I disappear, you know, they feel like I don’t have an impact, that’s a very good compliment. Of cause I make decisions about what to put in and what to put out, you know, what to leave out. I mean of cause I am involved in showing the people what I want them to see, but I like them to feel like they are getting it from the person in the film. So I’m in there but it’s not so visible. Does it make any sense.）

　　这部片子得奖之后的确想过把它拍成电影，但最终还是没有拍成。并非因为诸多争论，而是要把一部这种题材的纪录片拍成电影是一件非常难的事。那是最难的。要想把它做好，你就得忠实于这个故事，而这个故事是关于一个重度残废的人，通常不是好莱坞愿意投资的那种，因为不一定能卖到好票房。所以我们还是乐于做纪录片，既然电影不能做到位，那干脆不做。（ ok, after the film won the award, there was some interest in making it a feature film and the project ended up not happening. Not because there’s argument so much but it’s a very, very difficult thing to get a dramatic film made about this kind of subject. I think that was the most difficult thing. To do it right, you want to stay faithful to what the story was, and it’s the story of a man dealing with severe disability. It’s not the kind of thing that the Hollywood generally wants to throw lots of money at，so with kind of difficult sale that way. In the end you know it’s happy to do with the documentary so, for we couldn’t do it the right way then it’s better not to do it.）

　　解说：作为一个记录片导演，虞琳敏比大多数人更敏感也更敏锐，更关注身边的人和事物，更擅于发掘行为的背景。一个意外的机会让她结识了一个特殊的群体，从而有了新片《生活博物馆》。

　　虞琳敏：它讲述的是纽约精神病院的艺术家群体。我拍摄这个片子的起因是我去访问一个地方，有人告诉我有一幢楼被捐献给了那些有精神问题的艺术家。然后我就去看了，我并没有期望能看到什幺东西，然后我了走进去，你知道，你去医院一定会认为那儿很脏。然而整栋楼从楼顶到地板都充满了艺术，每一个角落都很精彩。我遇到其中一些艺术家。我们谈到他们的艺术，他们对自己作品的理解和艺术本身。It’s about an artistic community in a mental institution in New York. The reason why I was attracted to this subject is I went to visit this place and someone told me that there was a building that was devoted to the art of the mentally ill in this institution. And so I went to visit and I didn’t expect to see that much, but I walked in. You know you go to hospital you think it will be very drab. The whole building is filled with art from floor to the ceiling. Everywhere you look and it was really wonderful. I met some artists there. When we were talking about their art, just the level of sophistication in both their articulation about their art and their artist itself.

　　同期：

　　 人们在这里无需遵循任何规则，现代艺术的意义正在于打破成规和旧习。

　　沮丧和压抑使我逃离了自己的角色而被送到这里。

　　 我始终抱着很多希望，而且我一直认为没有什么人能比我自己更有权力惩罚自己。

　　也许人们会从那些色彩中发现什么，就从那些简单的色彩中。

　　虞琳敏：我明白你的意思。当你讲述某个人的故事时，比如你拍一部关于有精神问题的艺术家的片子或一个患有小儿麻痹症的作家的片子，你不会总去强调这些人的特殊性。人们也许会说，哦，他们有这些问题，我们不一样。但其实，假如你去看过他们的艺术品或文章，我想你就能和他们沟通，你会找到共性的地方。而这就是人们的反应，突然间他们会明白这些人的生活和作品所表达的内涵。所以，是的，全力挖掘能够分享人性经历的方法是所有影片的目标。I think I understand your question. When you tell a story about someone… like you did a film about some artists who also have some mental illness or made a film about a writer who had polio that you don’t always want to concentrate on what’s different, right? I mean, people say ,oh, they have this problem, I can’t identify with them. But actually, if you go and look at the art that they make or the writing that they do, that’s where I think you can make the connection, that’s what you can find what’s universal. And that’s what people respond to, all of a sudden they say, oh I understand what this person, what their life is about, what their work is about. So, yes, I mean concentrating on trying to find the way share the human experiences is kind of the goal of the film.

　　虞琳敏：完全出乎意料，我想，天哪，我们真该做一部精彩的片子，因为人们从未见过这样的一群精神病人。我想每个人脑海中都会有一副关于疯了的人的想象，你看着这些人的艺术品，听他们的谈论，像是身处另一个世界。而这些艺术品就是人们去了解那个世界的途径。这就是那部片子的内容。拍摄中我们经常返回医院，别人说你们怎么那么喜欢去那个医院，那是因为我们非常愿意，你知道，当人们在创造作品时，即使是创造艺术也是痛苦的过程，所以这是很值得做的事情。每次回到那里，我们总是被那些热衷艺术的人们围绕，我们一起谈论他们喜欢的事情。他们痛苦的经历，他们同艺术的碰撞更是有别于常人，那部片子花了两年时间拍摄，那实在是一段难忘的时光。（So unexpected. I thought, God we should make a wonderful film because people don’t see people with mental illness like this. I think everyone has in their mind a picture of what someone who was crazy looks like. You see these people’s art and you hear them talk about it. It’s like a different world. And so you could use the art, it’s a way to get into that different world. So that’s for that film is about. And in making it we kept on going back to the hospital. People would say you guys are always so happy to go back to the hospital. But because we enjoy it, you know when people are making art. Even if they are making art, it’s very torture. It’s a wonderful thing to be doing. Where we go back, we’ll be around people who were enjoying what they are doing and we’ll talking to them about what they enjoyed. Even though they touch about painful experiences, contacts of art, it took on a different level, so that film took about two years to make and it’s really wonderful time.）

　　画面：《生活博物馆》中眼睛、吸烟等镜头

　　解说：在《生活的博物馆》中，虞琳敏倾听克莱德默精神病治疗中心这些病人对于艺术的认识，呈现了大量原生的、充满想象力的艺术作品，还到处捕捉着他们每个人的眼神以及这眼神直指的灵魂深处。

　　虞琳敏：当你制作一部纪录片时，我想，除了资金问题外，真正的挑战在于能否抓住故事的精髓。你不能把所有东西都搬上去，那是在生搬硬套。你不可以把真实情况完全拍出来，这样永远都不够你拍。你所要做的是紧抓要害，努力抓住真实故事的精髓。这很不容易。你得不断地问自己，我做得对吗？我讲够了吗？我讲得对吗？要掌握平衡，而你唯一要做的是应该始终记着这个题目最初吸引你的地方。如果能时常回头看看，回顾一下走过的路，我如何探索的，我了解到什么，我惊讶于什么，我以前对什么不了解，如果能够把这些问题用你的作品表现出来，那就是最好的。你应该总是充满疑问，这是好现象，你必须要不断地确定自己走在正确的路上。有时你拍完了，可自己并不知道怎么样，但是人们看了以后，你和他们讨论他们从中得到什么，这就是最好的考察。

　　A: ok. When I’m making a documentary, I think, besides the challenge of raising the money, the real challenge is can you get the essence of the story that you trying to tell. You can’t tell everything, you know, people say you are telling the true story. You can’t tell the true story, you know, you could never put enough in the film. What you try to do is capture the essence, try to capture what is the sense of the truth in the film. And that’s the hard thing. You always question am I doing it right? Am I telling enough? Am I telling the right things? And it’s getting that balance and the only thing that I can do is to try to remember what it was that interested me about the subject in the first place. If I go back to that and I trace my own journey, how I explore this, what I learn it what point, what surprise me, what didn’t I know before. And I try to put that into the film, that’s the best way. But you always have doubts, I mean that’s good, you should always feel like you need to continue to test yourself to make sure that you are on the right path. Sometimes you finish it you don’t know, but you talk to people after they see and see, what they got from it, and that’s the best test.

　　同期: 你觉得他们的生活状态会影响到你的心态吗？

　　虞琳敏：会的，是这样的，当你涉足某事很深时，比如进入一部影片的主题里，那么很难退出来说为什么我会对这个感兴趣，或它是如何影响我的生活的。因为你太投入了，所以假如你十年后问我，也许我可以回答。但现在我不能确切地说出来，除非我已经真正体会，欣赏过这些作品的来由，那些艺术家的创作意图和他们所做的事。A: I think so, the thing is that when you are very involved with something, with the subject of the film, it’s very hard to step back and say why am I interested in this, or how is this effecting my life. Because you so involved in it, so if you ask me ten years from now I can probably answer the question. But now I can’t really pinpoint except that I’ve really enjoyed exploring where this work came from, what the artists, what they want to create, what they did.

　　虞琳敏：有些人觉得纪录片会很无聊，因为它们都是关于真实生活的。但是好的纪录片像任何故事片一样，应该是好看的，因为它能给你的总是比你想象的更多。有时你会怀着些许期待进入电影院，而当你出来时会说，天哪，这比我想象的精彩得多。有些纪录片，特别是怀斯曼拍的纪录片是比较长，像五个小时，六个小时，这是很长的时间。我试图把我的片子拍得短小，尽可能短小，因为我想如果你给人们。。。我宁可他们看完以后说，哦，我还没看够，也不愿意他们看完后说，这太长了。我记得一位当初一起工作的同事说过，他的原则是：不能乏味。你讲你的故事，尽可能讲好，但是必须记住，不要让你的观众感到无聊。我总是记着这一点。你不一定总要让他们发笑，但你必须保持节奏，不能走得太偏。你也不能只展现自己喜欢的东西，应该记住有人正坐在那里看。我认为优秀的影片在使人放松的同时还应该带给人们一些别的。（: some people think about documentaries will be boring, because they are about real life. But good documentaries like any films would be very exciting because it’s more than you thought that you gonna get. That’s the main thing, when you go in with some expectation, you come out and you go, God, that was so much more interesting than I thought. The thing about some documentaries, this person in particular, his films are very long, like five hours, six hours, that’s a long time. I try to make my films as short as they can be. I try to make them as short as I can get a way with, because I think that if you give people…I’d rather have them coming out saying, oh, I wish I had little bit more than come out and say, ok, that was too much. I remember one of the first people I started working with, he said that his rule was just don’t be boring. You tell the story, you try to tell well, just remember, try not to bore your audience. I try to keep that in mind. You don’t have to make them laugh and everything all the time but just make sure that you keeping on the story, you don’t go this way too much. You don’t show just the things that you like so much, you have to remember that there are someone who sitting there having to watch it. And I won’t level films need to entertain at the same time that they show you anything else. ）

　　这是你对好片子的一个标准 ？

　　虞琳敏：没有，对于纪录片，如果故事的感觉很强烈，主题很鲜明，做片子的人眼光独到，那么即使他们套用陈旧的形式，使用破旧的摄像机，故事还是会非常吸引人，因为他们思路正确并紧扣主题，他们把精力花在应该花的地方。然而假如你去看一个故事片，你会期待爆炸，电脑特技，这是不同的标准，但对于纪录片来说，真实事件的冲击力比任何特技都来得强烈。（no, the think about documentaries is sometimes if the story telling is very strong, the subject is really strong, and the filmmaker has a goods vision, even if they shoot on a very bad format, even if they only have very old video camera the story can still be so powerful, because they actually went and they capture the story, they made the effort and they told it right. But if you go to see a feature film, you pay nine dollars and everything, people expect explosions, expect computer effects the standards are different. But for documentaries, power of something that actually happen can be more powerful than the all the special affects. ）

　　解说：发现、沟通、了解、寻找到共性的地方，这是虞琳敏完成任何一个作品所必须经历的阶段，也是她的作品所要展现的东西。虞琳敏说，全力挖掘能够分享人性经历的方法，这就是我所有影片的目标。

　　虞琳敏：纪录片能够成功的因素和电影成功的因素应该是一样的，那就是它们把你带入一个从未经历过的故事里。我的意思是这是一种普遍的理论，而且是实用的。有时人们看一部他们喜欢的纪录片时会说，哦，我觉得像在看电影，如果片子拍得好看，有时当人们在看一部电影时，也许会说，哦，我觉得像在看纪录片。你知道我的意思吗？你想要一种真正被打动的感觉，真正发掘出你从未经历过的事物。（documentaries succeed for the same reasons that dramatic films succeed that if they take you somewhere that you haven’t been before they tell a story well. I mean that’s a very general statement. But I think it’s really applied. Sometimes people they see a documentary film they enjoy and they say, oh, I felt like I was seeing a dramatic story， if you tell it well that’s the way it feels and sometimes when people see a dramatic story they say, oh, I feel like I was seeing a documentary. You know what I mean, you want the feeling of really being emotionally involved and really exploring something or being somewhere that you haven’t been before.）

　　我想我最近拍的几部纪录片都是关于那些搞创作的人的。艺术家，作家或。。。我现在拍的是一个艺术家。我想我对他们的作品很感兴趣，这些人的生活很艰辛且非同寻常。令我感兴趣的是那些过着常人认为艰苦的生活，并且能从中找到有价值的东西的艺术家。且不说艰苦的生活换来优秀的艺术是一种补偿，我觉得每个人都愿意过好的生活，而有些人却能真正去做。。。我是说这些人能在天生比较恶劣的环境里做出杰出的事，这的确令我感动。（I think the last few documentaries that I’ve made have all been films about people who are creative. People who are artists, writers or…the film I doing now is about a man is an artist. I think I’m interested in their work, also these are people who have very tough life, very unusual life, I’m interested in the way is that someone who is an artist can take a very, what people would say is very terrible life, and find something that is very valuable in it. Not to say that it’s a compensation that a bad life is equal to good art, I mean everyone would rather have a good life but to me it’s amazing that someone can actually do something with… I mean these people particular can do something extraordinary with the circumstances that they were born into.）

　　解说：一个作品，要能够打动观众，就必须先打动自己，这个我们熟悉不过的准则就是虞琳敏成功的原因。回首过去，尽管很多片子显得稚嫩，但也因那里包含了拍摄对象和自己的情感、经历而显得弥足珍贵。

　　虞琳敏：虞琳敏：很难笼统地说，但我想纪录片能够成功的因素和电影成功的因素应该是一样的，那就是它们把你带入一个从未经历过的故事里。我的意思是这是一种普遍的理论，而且是实用的。有时人们看一部他们喜欢的纪录片时会说，哦，我觉得像在看电影，如果片子拍得好看，有时当人们在看一部电影时，也许会说，哦，我觉得像在看纪录片。你知道我的意思吗？你想要一种真正被打动的感觉，真正发掘出你从未经历过的事物。（A: it’s hard to generalize about films but I think documentaries succeed for the same reasons that dramatic films succeed that if they take you somewhere that you haven’t been before they tell a story well. I mean that’s a very general statement. But I think it’s really applied. Sometimes people they see a documentary film they enjoy and they say, oh, I felt like I was seeing a dramatic story， if you tell it well that’s the way it feels and sometimes when people see a dramatic story they say, oh, I feel like I was seeing a documentary. You know what I mean, you want the feeling of really being emotionally involved and really exploring something or being somewhere that you haven’t been before.）

　　是的，我现在正开始导演电视连续剧，这是不同的。你有剧本，你与作者合作，与制片人及演员合作。所以这是不同的。拍纪录片时，很多时候你采访某人，试图让他们说一些他们必须说的话，还得诱导他们。而与演员工作时你有剧本，你只要告诉他们应该说什么，比较轻松。两者是不同的，剧组情况不同。纪录片拍摄过程中，许多时候事情在发生，而你的工作就是要抓住事件发生的过程，你不能说“好，我们再来一遍”，你要么抓住了，要么失去了。拍电影时你可以一遍一遍地做，直到满意为止。两者节奏不一样。纪录片里你要追赶动作，而在电影里你是在创造，别人可以等一会。纪录片里，多数时候你都在追着人抓镜头。（ Right. I’m getting into TV directing which is directing on this dramatic series and it is different. I mean you working with script, you are working with writer, you working with producers and you are working with actors. So it’s different, it’s not worse or better, it’s different. In documentaries a lot of times when you interview somebody, you try to get them to say what you know they have to say, you have to sort of coax them. When you working with actors, you have the script, you just tell them what to say, which is you know, can be very liberating. But it’s different. The crew is very different. Think about documentaries, a lot of times things are happening, it’s your job to try to catch them of their happening and in the documentaries has a lot of times you can’t say ”ok, do it again.”. If it happen, you get it or not …In dramatic film, it happens, you do over and over again till you get it right. So it’s a different pace. You know in the documentary you are chasing the action and in dramatic films you are creating, so everyone wait, wait….. In documentary, a lot of times you are running after somebody you are trying to get the action.）

　　有意思的是，当你看自己的片子时，如果刚拍完就看，你会发现许多错误，你知道，哦，我应该。。。这个镜头应该长些。。。但如果你过几年再去看，就会很喜欢，因为有了距离。但是当我在看“呼吸课程”的时候，我觉得自己的朋友在那儿，我好像又见到了他。所以对我来说，这成了个人化的情感，个人的经历，我现在又可以欣赏它了。（Well the funny thing is, when you watch your own film, if it’s very soon after you make it, all you can see is the mistakes, you know, oh, I should have…that shot should be longer…but if you wait, wait a couple of years, then you watch it again, then you can enjoy it, because then you can have some distance. But when I watch “Breathing Lessons”, I see my friend there, I feel like I am visiting him again. Sofor me it’s now very personal, personal experience, but now I can enjoy it again.）

　　解说：这个夸张幽默的“指挥家”的扮演者不是职业演员，而是虞琳敏的丈夫马克·赛尔斯曼，他还有幸尝过妻子那颗《酸死人的糖果》，演员只是兼职，他的本职工作是作家。

　　虞琳敏：其实，做电视剧时没有人告诉你应该做这个或做那个，你只要放开手脚，与大家协作，而且电视剧投入的要比纪录片多。而对于纪录片来说，真正的老板是故事本身，是故事里的人物，所以你不可能完全控制得了，你能控制的是你如何讲述故事，而这个故事又是不能被控制的。拍故事片也是一样，电视制作人可以说，我不想把那个镜头放在那儿。所以都不容易，不光是个人的事。You know, actually, when you working like on a TV series, that is not like someone standing over my shoulder, and say, you do this, you have to be very open, I mean it’s very collaborative, you get more input than you do on a documentary. But on the documentary again, your real boss is the story, the person the story is about, so that you never have total control. Just where you control is the documentary is how you tell the story, but the story is nothing that has to control. In dramatic films, it’s too, sometimes a TV show producer can say oh I don’t want that shot in there, but it’s difficult, it’s not just about you.

　　马克·赛尔斯曼:我们开始相遇时，虞琳敏还在上大学（When we first met, Jessica was in college）

　　解说：优美的耶鲁校园，一个攻读英国文学的华裔女孩，一个拥有作家梦的德裔男孩，这段浪漫或许哪天会在马克·赛尔斯曼的书中重现。不过，之后的事则要由华裔女孩自己书写。1987年，虞琳敏自耶鲁大学毕业，在大多数华裔都选择法律专业继续攻读的情况下，虞琳敏选择了电影。

　　虞琳敏：其实从英国文学到拍电影是一个偶然的机遇。但是当我开始接触电影时我会从讲述故事的角度去把握。 所以如果抛开所有技术因素，只看故事本身，两者的动机是相象的，就是要把故事讲述好。这就是我做的事（yeah, actually after studying English going into film was, just by chance almost. But I think when I got involved in film I would always take it from the point of view of what is the story it’s being told. So if you put all the technical considerations aside, and you look at the story, it’s a kind of similar impose, you need to tell the story well. So that’s kind of what I did）

　　解说：为了学习电影制作，虞琳敏和丈夫来到旧金山。这里有热爱电影的观众，有各具特色的艺术电影，有全美历史最悠久的电影节“旧金山电影节”。虞琳敏在一家制作公司找到了工作。

　　虞琳敏：我从各种不同的工作干起，从很初级的开始，做助理，有时我会去帮忙停车，需要什么我就做什么，这样一点点学习。（but I started working on different productions, you know, at the very low level, as the production assistant, sometimes I would be parking the cars, just doing whatever work needed to be done, so i learned little by little,）

　　同期：在耶鲁大学你学的是英国文学， 毕业后开始做纪录片，这种转变是怎么实现的？

　　虞琳敏：我进入电影界的初衷是如何开始我们所感兴趣的工作，而且我从没想过会因为这个引起众人注意。所以只要能继续拍自己喜欢的电影，能够过愉快的生活我就很满足了。我很快乐，因为所有这些都发生了。The think about getting into films and everything is how we start the work that is interesting and I never really thought I will get a lot attention for doing it. So I am very happy as long as I continue making the films and making a living and everything, and also having some sort of a life. But I’m happy because those things have happened.

　　同期：拍纪录片很辛苦，这个行业里也很少有女孩子，你的父母支持你做这个工作吗？

　　虞琳敏：是的，这是个很好的问题。事实上我父母非常支持我，我遇到很多在上大学的华裔美国人，他们都说很喜欢从事电影，但是说父母会杀了我的。而我的父母，我很幸运，我觉得他们想看看我会不会喜欢做点别的事， 所以他们只是站在身后，支持我，有时他们会带点好吃的来，真的很好。（oh, yeah, that’s a good question. Actually my parents are very supportive, I meet a lot of Chinese –Americans, a lot of Chinese students in colleges and they say I would love to make films。But my parents will kill me. But my parents …I was lucky, they were… I think they wanted to see if I would enjoy doing something different, so they just stood back and were very supportive, sometimes they would bring us some food or something. Really good.）

　　解说：好莱坞，美国电影业的中心，每个电影人理想的造梦乐土，虞琳敏也不例外。1994年，她和丈夫迁往洛杉矶。

　　虞琳敏：我刚开始学电影的时候在洛杉矶一家制作纪录片的公司工作。纪录片剧组通常没有太多工作人员，所以总有事情可做，这正是我喜欢的，我喜欢在工作中学习。在那之前我为一些广告拍摄做过工作，他们有很大的工作组，所以你就总是做些无聊的事情。我的第一份工作是帮忙一个速冻面的广告，我的工作就是不断地把速冻面条放到叉子上，这样做一整天。你知道，你学不到任何东西，非常无聊。而在纪录片组里，如果他们需要帮忙，我就可以去帮忙录音。这样我就能学习操作机器。这就是区别，你会得到更多经验。（虞）A: When I started learning about films, I was working with a company here in LA that make documentaries, and so that’s where I learnt. Think about documentaries is usually you don’t have a big team of people, so there is always a lot of work to do and that’s what I like, I like learning on the job. Before that I have worked on some commercials that have such a big crew that you get a very boring job. My first job was on a frozen food commercial, my job was to take frozen noodles and put them on forks all day, you know you don’t learn anything, this is very boring job. Where is in the documentary, they need help, so I was recording sound. So I got some experience with the equipment. So that’s the difference, you get a lot more experience early.

　　“重现昔日的人”是拍那些喜欢穿上国内战争时期服饰的美国人，他们在周末会假装回到那个时代，并进行“战斗”。对我来说，这很有意思，当他们穿戴上统一的服饰后，一切都回到了1860年。你吃那时的食物，如果没有地方泡澡，你就不能洗澡，因为你是在那个时代，国内战争时期，你没有地方去洗澡。我觉得很好玩，因为他们还是有工作，还互相发送电子邮件，他们活在这个年代，同时又为另一个时代所深深吸引，我只是想利用这个机会发掘一些事实，还有许多有趣的事人们想去实现，这是我花了几年时间做的一个影片，很有意思。（“Men of Reenaction” is about people you know Americans who like to dress up in uniforms of the people from the civil war year and they like to fight the battles of the war in the weekend. To me it was interesting, because these people they want to be very authentic, when they are wearing the uniforms, everything has to be the way it was back in the 1860s. You eat the food they would eat, if there is no place to bath, you don’t bath. Because you are out of the middle of nowhere. Your would not have showers during the civil war. It’s very interesting to me, because they still have jobs and send email to each other and they just live in the modern world but they are so attracted to this other time, so to me it was just a chance to explore that there’re still many funny things that the people do to try to make it real and so that was a film I work on for a couple of years and it’s a lot of fun.）

　　马克·赛尔斯曼：那时我整天都在写作。她那时也刚刚开始做电影的工作，所以对她来说很不容易，因为在电影这行里开始都很难，她每天要开一小时车到城市的另一边去和一群人工作。（At that time, I was writing full time. She was just beginning her film work. And so it was very difficult for her, because to begin in the film industry is always very difficult, and she was happen to drive everyday an hour to the other side of the city to work with group of people, ）

　　同期：是什幺吸引你去做纪录片的？

　　虞琳敏：是我为什么喜欢去做纪录片是吗？通常来说，当你想拍一个纪录片时，是因为某个题材首先吸引住了你本人。对我来说，并非别人告诉我说，这个题材挺适合你，而是，当我在阅读的时候，去某个地方的时候，或看见什么的时候，觉得想多了解那些事物。所以这是一种个人的好奇心。也正因为如此，即使有再多困难，资金的困难等等，因为它是你自己感兴趣的，还是会带给你巨大的满足感。（ is that why my attracted to documentary films, making them? Ok, the thing about documentary films is usually you start making them because it’s a subject that personally interests you. For me, it’s not someone calls up and says it’s a good subject for you, it’s a … I would be reading something or going somewhere, and see something and I think I want to know more about that. So it’s your own personal curiosity. So even though the film is much harder to make, it’s harder to raise the money and everything, because it’s something you personally interested in, it’d much more satisfying along a way.）

　　马克·赛尔斯曼:但那段时间并不艰难，我们过得很快乐，我们两个都刚刚开始各自的事业，开始熟悉洛杉矶，发现我们的新生活（But it wasn’t a difficult time and it was a fun time, we were both really beginning our careers, we were learning about L.A., discovering our life together, we’ve just been married. It was a fun time, I don’t remember it was being difficult at all.）

　　解说：在采访中，作家马克·塞尔斯曼又充当了我们的翻译，早些年到过中国的他，已将那段经历著书出版。

　　虞琳敏：我丈夫的前两本书和中国有关，因为他在中国呆了两年，后面那本书也有些中国的场景，但是那以后他也写些别的，他写了一个室内剧。最近那本书是写一个和尚，他写的题材很广，有趣的是他并不是中国人，他是个白人，但他会说中文。所以当我们去中国餐馆时，服务生总是先看看我，和我说中文，而我总是指指他。然后服务生就说，什么，他会说中文，你不会说中文？他说中文时我根本不知道他在说什么。my husband’s first two books has something to do with China, because he lived in for China 2 years, and the 2nd one also had a Chinese scene, but since then he’s written about other thing he wrote a chord room drama, his last book was about a nun, his book is about all different sorts of things, but the funny thing is that he is not Chinese, he is a white, but he speaks Chinese. You know, I’m Chinese but I don’t speak Chinese. So when we go to a Chinese restaurant , the waiter always says, looks at me and speaks to me in Chinese. I pointed to him always. The waiter says “what, he speaks Chinese, you don’t speak Chinese, he is saying Chinese but I don’t know what he says”.

　　But that was very embarrassing.

　　马克·塞尔斯曼：有时人们问我是不是因为我妻子是中国人，所以我说中文，我有没有教过她中文？答案是没有。这就是我们关系的特质。我不认为让我教虞琳敏任何事情是个好主意。她非常，她很明确自己要做的事，主意很硬，要我试着去教她什么是不可能的，我最好还是继续做我的翻译。Sometimes people ask me, because my wife is a Chinese, I speak Chinese, have I ever tried to teach her Chinese? The answer is no. It’s just the nature of our relationship. I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to try to teach Jessica anything. she is very…she knows what she wants to do, she has very strong ideas about things, and for me to try to teach her anything probably wouldn’t work , it’s better for me to just do the work of interpreting.

　　虞琳敏：他学中文甚至在上大学之前，还是十三，四岁时，他是从那时候开始学的，然后在中国住了一段时间，但他的口音非常地道，我也不知道，别人告诉我的。he learnt Chinese when, he studied even before college, when he was like 13 or 14. That’s when he started, then he lived there, but his accent is really perfect, I don’t know, but the people told me his accent is perfect.

　　同期：你小时候学过中文吗？Did you ever learn Chinese in your childhood?

　　虞琳敏：没有。我父亲的家庭来自上海，我母亲的也来自中国南方。所以一边是说上海话，一边是说广东话，在家里我们只说英文，我的祖父母都说英文。所以我从来不需要学。No. Growing up my father’s side is family from Shanghai, and my mother side the family is from southern China. So you have the one side speak Shanghainese and the other side speaks Cantonese, at home we just spoke English and my grandparents all spoke English , so then I never had to learnt it.

　　你去过中国吗？ have you been to China?

　　虞琳敏：我去过中国几次，我丈夫的第一本书是在上海被拍成电影的，所以我去帮忙，我们去了杭州，我还去了上海和南方其它地方，我祖母捐献了一些艺术品，在那里帮助修建博物馆。从小，我父母就带我们去看电影，有很多功夫片什么的。I’ve been to China a couple of times, my husband’s first book was made into movie that was shot in China, so I went over to help, we went Hangzhou, and I visited Shanghai and I was also in southern China, my grandmother was donating some art work, she helped build the museum there. But growing up, my parents always took us to see the China movies, there’re lots of Konfu movies and everything so.

　　你能看懂里面的中文吗？Q: Can you understand Chinese when you saw the movies?

　　虞琳敏：不懂，但是我可以读字幕。Could not understand, but I could read the subtitles.

　　想没想过在中国拍一个片子？In you mind, that you want shoot a film in China?

　　虞琳敏：在中国，是的曾经拍过，但不是我的片子，是帮忙别人。这是很有意思的经历，对我来说，如果某个题材需要在中国拍摄，我当然会考虑，但时机还不成熟吧。是的。关于此，人们问过我很多。我说作为一个华人对我帮助最大的是家庭对我的支持。正如你们所了解的，我母亲是中国人，她不仅告诉我关于中国和美国的历史，还包括我们家庭的故事。我从这些感受到了一点家庭的经历，因而才能有现在的机遇。我很喜欢这样，我觉得很幸运可以去尝试很多事情，甚至去拍电影。因此我认为这是很有价值的部分。我并非经常想这些事，但是我心里很明白，我父母也是，我父亲是医生，我母亲是作家并研究历史。但他们没有说你必须去当医生，你必须去做律师。他们对我说你自己去探索，去尝试做不同的事情。因此我很感谢他们。So film in China, I worked on a film, not my film, but I worked on the film that was in the China. It’s very interesting experience, for me, it’s just whether the subject came up would need to be shot in China, then I would certainly think about it, but the opportunity hasn’t come up or anything. Oh, yeah. People ask me that much. I said that what’s helpful about my being a Chinese is that my family, actually has been very supportive. I think also you know, going up my mother’s historian of Chinese-American history, so she would tell me stories about not only just Chinese and America , but also about my own family. And so you feel like you know a little bit about what you family went through so that you could have opportunities now. So I think you definitely feel like, I felt very lucky, to be able to try to, even go into making films and so I think it’s something that was very valuable. I don’t think about it all the time but I know I didn’t take it for grant, you know and also was my parents didn’t. My dad is a doctor, my mother is also a writer and historian. But they didn’t say you must be a doctor, you must be a lawyer. They said you go and explore, try some different things. So that I’m very thankful for them.

　　华人的背景对你有哪些帮助？

　　虞琳敏：如你所知，这个问题很难回答。因为我知道作为一个华人对我来说是一个事实。我的家庭是中国人的后代。我想，我们总是努力学习，了解家庭的历史和这种家庭的价值观。但涉及到我自己的工作上，作为一个中国人，我不知道是否受到直接的影响。但至少我清楚没多少华人从事电影工作，所以你必须尽量把自己的工作做到最好。因为很少华人从事这行。有时其它的中国人也问我，希望给他们一些建议什幺的。而我能告诉他们的只能是，坚持去做自己想做的事。因为慢慢会有更多华人加入这个圈子，从而更加促进这个行业发展，只是需要些时间，每个人都要尽力去做。You know, it’s hard to say. ‘Cause I’m a Chinese and I know that certain things .You know, my family were probably were result of being Chinese. I don’t know we always try to do well in school, and also knowing about the family history and certain values of family. But in terms of my own work I don’t know what is directly related to my being Chinese, I don’t know. But I do know that since there are not many Chinese that I meet who are in the film business that you feel like you need to do as well as you can. Because you know it’s not many of you out there and you know sometimes other Chinese will ask me for advice or something ,and all I can tell them is just to keep trying to do what they want to do. Because slowly there getting to be more Chinese involved, more advancement, but it happens slowly and everyone just leads it to the best.

　　最开始对中国产生兴趣是什么时候？What’s the 1st time that you become interested in China?

　　马克·塞尔斯曼：我对中国的兴趣是从13 岁开始的，我常看电视，先是看功夫片，那对我简直是一次警醒，因为那个主人公和我一样长得比较小，他是个和气善良的人，但总是成为别人欺负的对象，像我在学校总是被大孩子欺负一样。然而当别人来攻击他时，他可以自我防卫，然后很快又恢复平静，独自走开了。一点麻烦也没有。我想这就是我要的。无论如何，我想变成那样。因为坦白地说，当我还是十三岁的时候，我想，假如我能这样，假如我是一个佛教和尚，一个功夫大师，那么女孩子就会喜欢我，会很吸引她们。那是对浪漫生活的一种期待。所以我开始读有关中国的书，有关功夫的书，读有关佛教的书，并且开始试着自己练习基本步伐，什么拳，什么腿，最后我们发现离学校不远的地方有一个功夫学校，所以我开始上课。但我们那个老师不太好，他是个疯子，他经常喝醉，而且还打我们。但这还是培养了我对中国文化的兴趣，一些中学的老师看到我的兴趣，鼓励我学习中国历史和毛笔字，你知道，用毛笔写字。就这样开始了，当这种兴趣在我心里扎根后就没有停止过，所以大学里，我选择了中国文学。（My interest in China started when I was about 13 years old and I was watching television, I saw Kongfu片, 功夫movie for the first time. It was a zif lightening came out the sky, struck me at the head. Because this character who is very small like I was always small, he was very peaceful gentle guy, he’s been picked on all the time like I was always being picked on in school by the bigger kids. But when they start to attack him, he was able to defend himself, and then right away be peaceful again, and just walk off. No trouble at all. I thought, that’s what I want. Whatever that is, I want. Because frankly, when I was thirteen years old, I thought that if I could be like that, if I could be a Buddhist monk, if I could be a Gongfu master, then girls would like me. That would be attractive. I wait to begin my romantic life. So I started reading books about China, reading books about Gongfu, reading books about Buddhism and try to learn in my practice my basement, doing punchers and kicks and finally we found there was a Gongfu school not too far from our school, so I started taking lessons. Now it turns out the teacher that I had was not a very good teacher, he was a kind of crazy person, he would get drunken, beat us up all the time. But still, it started my foundation of being interested in Chinese, a few teachers at my high school saw that I was very interested…and encourage me to learn Chinese history and Chinese brush painting, you know, 用毛笔写字…..it just broom from the air, and when the roots were deep enough, then I just never stopped, so in college, I majored in Chinese literature.）

　　同期：

　　马克·赛尔斯曼:But one thing is very funny

　　虞琳敏：when we go to a Chinese restaurant , the waiter always says, looks at me and speaks to me in Chinese.

　　马克·赛尔斯曼: sometimes when we travel to Asia, of course people in China will begin to speak to her, they’ll say, “怎幺样?…..”,

　　虞琳敏I pointed to him always.

　　马克·赛尔斯曼:she had to say “I ‘m sorry , I don’t speak Chinese, you have to talk to him“,

　　虞琳敏：The waiter says “what, he speaks Chinese, you don’t speak Chinese

　　马克·赛尔斯曼:and they criticize her “中国人……” really funny.

　　虞琳敏：that was very embarrassing.

　　他说话你还是可以听懂是吗？but you still can understand while he is talking, right?

　　虞琳敏：是，我可以听懂，没问题，但回答不行，最近我们家做了些改修，装修工人是东北人，所以当然他们说中文，有时和他们说话是件有趣的事，“谈话没问题。。。。”但有些词听不懂，像“水龙头。。。”之类的。（Yeah. I can understand fine, just answer, it’s… Just recently we had some work done on the house and crew, construction crew was all from Dongbei(东北人), so of cause they spoke Chinese, it was fun sometimes just chat with them, you know, “谈话没问题…….””, those kind of words I had a difficult time ’’ 水龙头…..’’）

　　从祖父母那辈开始，英语就成为虞琳敏家里主要的交流方式，父亲的上海话和母亲的广东话都成为儿时的记忆。尽管如此，像所有的华裔一样，虞琳敏仍然有着深厚的中国情结。她的第一个片子就是一个关于中国城的故事。

　　虞琳敏：我的第一部片子叫“家族起点”，是关于一个中国城的故事，我的祖父是在那里长大的。所以这是一个历史性的题材，同时也是个人化的，因为我的祖父在那里成长，那是我的第一部片子。那以后，我开始对拍片子着迷，那是一次宝贵的经历，接下来，从“呼吸课程”之后我做了一些广告片。有些制作人的作品是比较相近的，他们只拍某种类型的片子，如果拍电影就只拍历史性或史诗类的片子。而我的片子是各种题材的，所以比较难概括。（Gosh, the first documentary I made which was called “Home Base”, “Home Base” is about a China Town, that’s the town where my grandfather grew up, one of my grandfathers. So it was a historical film, but it’s also personal because my grandfather grew up there, so that was the first time when I did. After I did that, I got very exciting about making films. So it was a good experience. And also since making “Breathing Lessons” I’ve also made a few commercial things. Some film makers, their films are very connected, you see, they just make one, one type of film, you know just in dramatic films they make just historical or epic or something, my films are all in the place, so it’s hard to generalize.）

　　同期：

　　虞琳敏：我丈夫是个作家，他也是从事创作。两个人都是以创作题材为目标，所以都会从事某个项目一段时间，然后休息。然后等待下一个构思，接着你再为下一个构思去工作，所以很难。。。这不是持续的，有规律的工作。这不像每天上班下班。所以彼此理解对方做的事情是很重要的。所以当我努力在筹集资金时，他很支持我，而我也会支持他的工作。所以我想我们都理解什么是压力。（he also works in the create field. Both of them are very project-oriented, so you work on something for a while then you stop. Then you wait for the next idea, then you work on the next idea…so, it’s a very difficult thing…to be…it’s not very consistent. It’s not like a daily job where you going. So it’s important to understand what each other goes through. So he is very supportive when I’m trying to raise the money for something, and I try to support him when he is working on the fifth draft of the book, you know. So I think we both understand what the pressure is like.）

　　马克·赛尔斯曼夫：经常有人问这个问题，我写了两本书，一本是散文，写了我在中国的经历，另一本是小说，也是写在中国发生的故事。人们经常问，这和你妻子是中国人有关系吗？其实不全是那样，在我认识杰西卡之前，我就在中国住过，我们认识以后我开始写关于中国的小说。这就和她有关，她时常鼓励我，每天我都问她“你觉得这个想法怎么样？那个怎么样？”所以她和这本书很有关系，但这和她是中国人没有直接的关联，因为事实上她已经是第五代华裔美国人，和我一样，我是第五代德裔美国人，所以第一次见面还不了解她的人会说，“哦，你的英文真好，在哪里学的？”可是你知道她的家庭在美国的历史比多数美国家庭的时间还长，但因为她是个亚洲人，人们就觉得她一定是移民。有一件事很有趣，有时我们去亚洲旅行，当然中国人会先和她说话，他们会说，“怎么样？来中国怎么样？”她就不得不说，“对不起，我不会说中文，你得跟他说。”很有趣，然后他们就说她：“中国人不会说中国话，他外国人会说中国话，这是怎么的啦？”像这样，很好玩。（Well I’m often asked a question, I’ve written two books, one a non-fiction book about my experience living in China and also a novel that takes place in China, people often asked “does this have something to do with the fact that your wife is Chinese-American? Well not really, I lived in China before I met Jessica and when I wrote that book just before we met. After we met and that’s why I began writing my novel about China. That has lots to do with her, she was encouraging me to write that novel a lot, so everyday, I would ask her “what do you think about this idea? what do you think about that idea ? so she had a lot to do with inspiring me to write that book. But the fact that she is a Chinese, I can’t say that it has direct influence, because actually she is fifth generation American, which is the same as me, I am fifth generation German-American, so in a way, it’s funny, sometimes when people meet her for the first time, know nothing about her and they’ll say, “ oh, your English is so good. Where did you learn it ? ”. Oh, you know her family has been here longer than most American’s family has been here, but because she is an Asian of cause, people tended to assume you must be an immigrant. But one thing is very funny, sometimes when we travel to Asia, of course people in China will begin to speak to her, they’ll say, “怎幺样?…..”, she had to say “I ‘m sorry , I don’t speak Chinese, you have to talk to him“, and so it’s pretty funny, and they criticize her “中国人……” really funny.）

　　虞琳敏她的确很专注，是个非常忙的人。她热爱她的工作，很认真。所以有时别人问我，她经常没有时间会不会影响你，比如她不能做饭，家里的饭都是我做，因为她没有时间做这些事，这会不会影响我。我说不会，一点也不，因为我也是个写书的人，我喜欢我的工作，我热爱写作时的那种感觉，而且我也需要有一个人的时间。她从来不会为此打扰我，她不会说，“为什么你不花时间陪我”不，她理解。所以轮到她忙的时候，我也理解她。

　　（Jessica, it’s true that she is very focused…very, very busy person. She loves what she does, she’s very serious about it. sometimes some people ask does that bother you that she can’t have much time…for example, she doesn’t cook, I do all the cooking, because she doesn’t have time for that kind of thing, does that bother me. I said no, it doesn’t bother me at all because I also being a writer, I love what I do, I love the fact that when I’m writing a book, and I really need time alone. She never bothers me about it, she doesn’t say, “why don’t you spend time….”no, she understands, so when it’s her time to be busy I also understand. ）

　　我想这是件好事，我们两个在兴趣和个性方面很相似，这意味着我们明白，我很幸运能和她结婚，我希望她也是这么想，我们可以彼此支持做我们想做的事。（I’m very lucky to be married to her and I hope she feels she is lucky to be married to me）

　　虞琳敏：我很满意。几个月前我有了女儿，我感到很兴奋。因为有了比拍电影更多的事情，当然做电影很有意思，可这与拍电影是完全不同的事。真的是很棒。目前我正在制作一部专题片，已经拍了很长时间了，希望在明年可以完成。同时我也在为电视节目做一些导演工作。这部片子名叫“蜥蜴”，是一部系列剧。明年可能会有别的节目。可能跟我以往所做的有点不同，但我喜欢做不同的事情。（.I feel very satisfied with my current life. Mainly because we just had a daughter couple of months ago, and so I feel very exciting, You know, it’s more work than making a film, but it’s a lot of fun, actually making film is fun too, but it’s completely different thing. It’s really, really wonderful. But right now, I’m working on another documentary, I’ll be working on for a long time, but we are going to finish in the next couple of years I hope. And then also doing some directing for television. This film called “West Wing”, I mean the series called “West Wing”. And next year, probably on some other shows. So it’s little bit different for me but I enjoy I like doing something different every time）

　　同期：访客：你丈夫在吗？（Is your husband here?）

　　虞琳敏：在，他在看孩子。（yeah, he is taking care of the baby.）

　　附：

　　【铁肺人生】

　　马可. 布莱恩的工作与生活

　　导演：虞琳敏

　　BREATHING LESSONS

　　THE LIFE AND WORK OF MARK O’BRIEN

　　A FILM by JESSICA YU

　　From Breathing

　　Grasping for straws is easier;

　　You can see the straws.

　　“This most excellent canopy, the air, look you,”

　　Presses down upon me

　　At fifteen pounds per square inch,

　　A dense, heavy, blue-glowing ocean,

　　Supporting the weight of condors,

　　That swim its churning currents.

　　All I get is a thin stream of it,

　　A finger’s width of the rope that ties me to life

　　As I labor like a stevedore to keep the connection.

　　I inhale it anyway,

　　Knowing that it will hurt

　　In the weary ends of my crumpled paper bag lungs.

　　“呼吸”

　　——马可. 布莱恩

　　我叫马可 布莱恩，是加利福尼亚州伯克利的一名诗人和作家。我患有因病毒引起的骨髓灰质炎，就是人们通常称的小儿麻痹症。多数这类病人的情况并不太严重，可是有些人，比如我的情况就很特殊，事实上已经严重到了四肢瘫痪，离开这个机器就无法独立呼吸的程度。

　　帮助我呼吸的机器人们称它为“铁肺”，是20世纪40年代研制的。虽然看上去笨重而丑陋，但它对我来说却非常重要。它每三秒钟产生一些真空气体以便支撑起我的胸腔，然后我就随着它吸入氧气，不管我愿意与否，我必须依赖它维持着我的生命。

　　有时，我可以离开它一小时左右，但大部分时间我是在铁肺里度过的。我可以轻微地活动我的手趾和脚趾，但几乎无法抬起它们；或者做一些比如撇嘴之类的动作。但是，我不能用手做一些常人看来最简单基本的事。

　　我是家中的长子，出生于1949年7月31日。在我患病之前，我的理想是长大后当一名消防队员。因为我太喜欢那种紧张刺激的工作气氛，那火红的消防车以及和它相关的一切，都是我的最爱。

　　27岁时我离开了位于沙加缅渡的父母家。因为随着父母年岁的增加，他们不得不为我的将来考虑。于是我被送进了FAIRMONT医院。在那里渡过的两年可以说是我一生中最糟糕的日子，所承受的痛苦并不亚于我刚刚患上小儿麻痹症的阶段。那里大部分的护士应该说是称职的，但有少数几个非常差劲，那就是我为什么会如此痛苦和惊慌的原因所在。

　　我在伯克利大学的“残疾学生项目”的赞助下进入该校就读，他们为每一位残疾学生安排了特殊的宿舍。事实上，伯克利对我来说就像是进入了另一个世界，一个不真实的世界。

　　当我告诉FAIRMONT医院的一名护士我要去伯克利时，她皱着鼻子说，“伯克利，你上伯克利后能做什么？他们都是嬉皮士，都吸毒品。为什么去那里，我们会好好照顾你的”

　　进入伯克利可以说是我人生中最大的改变。当我住在FAIRMONT医院时，我仅仅被要求成为一个表现良好的病人。但在伯克利我希望成为一名优秀的学生，必须积极地去参与许多事情。我得认真学习，上课，管理自己的生活和财务，对自己负责等等。这让我感觉到自己是真正置身于这个世界中了。伯克利，对我而言，就意味着整个世界。

　　在这里，人们不用穿制服，也不用佩带标有他们姓名的小塑料牌。他们之间的关系非常随和，自由甚至有些放纵和疯狂。但是，这一切是那么地真实，这就是真实的生活，总是会有一些有趣的事；总是想争取证明你自己。总之，它是那么的激动人心，甚至有时有些可怕。

　　1981年12月，我终于完成了我的本科学业。我至今仍清晰得记得那天早上，所有的英文系学生都在等待着拿到自己的毕业证书，大家将按姓名的字母顺序依次上台领取------当快要念到我的名字时，我感到越来越紧张，简直不敢相信；台下的掌声、尖叫声，欢呼声响成了一片。我努力朝主席台的方向移动时，甚至看到父亲的相机在闪动。当时台上的我只是拼命想千万别让自己撞上颁发证书的校长。

　　“今天对你来讲有什么特殊的意义？”“可以说它给我提供了一个从此自己谋生的机会，一个从此可以独立的机会。”

　　这个报道是不是告诉我们：作为残疾人，他们所需要的不仅仅是一只乞讨的碗。马可. 布莱恩向我们再一次证明了只要拥有勇气和坚韧，就可以战胜一切困难和阻碍。

　　1982年的秋天，我被伯克利的新闻学院录取，开始我的研究生课程。但是从1983年春天开始，我的病情开始加重了，必须放弃继续学业及取得硕士学位的计划，这令我非常非常的失望。

　　我来伯克利是为了上学，现在不能继续读书了，更无法工作。于是我开始尝试新闻写作，同时，也写一些诗歌。渐渐地，我不再是以一个学生而是以一名诗人和新闻工作者的角度继续我的写作。

　　我喜欢新闻写作，当我觉得多数人都轻视我的意见时，是它给了我机会发表自己的见解， 特别是我对“残疾”的理解。当我在写有关残疾的题目时，总是以健全人为读者，激烈而又毫不掩饰地阐述我的观点，因为他们有关残疾的谬论实在太多了，有时简直是无稽之谈。

　　我为我的诗集“呼吸”的出版而自豪，那是我最值得骄傲的成就之一。我喜欢写诗，它是发自心灵的感受，那一时刻，它替代了我许多无法言表的痛苦和情感。

　　虽然我住在一个很小的公寓里，可这也比住在医院的护理病房里强多了。因为它是属于我的领地，我是这里的主人，我决定该如何布置它，没有我的允许，任何人都不能随便进入。而且，在这里，我拥有比在医院更多的私人空间。

　　护理院声称他们拥有专业的护理经验。但是，对我来言，没有什么比在护理院的那两年生活更可怕的经历了。那里的护士深深地伤害了我，他们每一个人都斜着眼睛看我。

　　而在伯克利，假如他们是为我工作，他们就是我的雇员，我有权因为他们的这种态度而解雇他们。

　　我的健康变得越来越糟糕。也许五年前，我可以每周出去两次；可是现在大概是一个月才出外两次。

　　通常，如果我想要外出，至少需要两个人来帮助我，那样会让我少一些疼痛和害怕。但即便是这样，我还是会相当紧张。但当我被他们抬到轮椅上后，我的视野就变得完全不同了。可以说，每次外出对于我而言，都是一次漫长的旅程。在大街上，由于我的声音很小，几乎很难被听见，这让我有一种强烈的依赖感。

　　当我生活在“铁肺”里的时，还能想像自己是“独立”的。但是一旦到了外面，我就会感觉到十分地无助，而在穿行人行横道时产生的颠簸也会给我的臀部带来一阵疼痛。

　　通常人们厌恶想像自己变成残疾后的境况。他们总是会说，“我宁可死，也不愿面对那样的生活。”可当他们发现自己躺在医院里时，起先总是悲痛欲绝；一段时间之后，他们就会为能够保住自己的生命而庆幸了----常言说“好死不如赖活着”。

　　诚实的说，我接受过一次性服务，大约是在86或87年，确切的时间我记不太清了，当时的我只是觉得很疯狂。但是，我厌恶所有的女人，不是因为她们不爱我； 而是因为我爱上过她们中的几个，而她们却对我说这仅仅是雇佣关系而已。

　　性替代服务者通常是由一些由临床医生推荐，并接受过专业心理培训的特殊人员组成。不同的是他们是用他们的身体为病人服务。通常，她站在一面镜子前展示自己的裸体，以便唤起我的欲望。我认为自己即便是世界上最丑的男人。但依然对性充满了热望与遐想；当然不仅仅是那个部分，还有我的整个身体。

　　卡罗尔待我非常温柔，通常她先亲吻我的身体，然后我们才会开始。我觉得我的变形的胸部令人难以接受，但她给我的感觉好像她并不介意。现在回忆起来整个的过程非常之快，简直是稍纵即逝。虽然事后的感觉好像并没有我想像的那样好，但能够真正和一个温柔的女人上床是我有生以来有过的最快乐的梦想。我想我愿意再次拥有这种体验。

　　让人觉得好笑的是，我同时还预备了人工呼吸器以防万一，可事实上我并没有用上它，甚至连一小时都没有用它。由此看来，性生活还是治疗呼吸疾病的一种良方，也许医疗保险应该为此替我付钱吧。

　　我的妈妈在两个月前突然去世了，本来那周她是打算来探望我的。这次打击对于我是一件非常残酷和可怕的事，因为我是如此的依赖和亲近她。

　　很多次午夜醒来后想到昨天、明天和我的恐惧，无法入睡。我觉得很对不起自己，花了很多时间为自己难过。人们也许觉得我并不在意，可是事实上我会。我也会想到政治、性、上帝，垒球和所有那些健康的人们生活中的流行话题。我同样也想了解生命真正的含义。有时我会非常嫉恨那些健全的人们，嫉妒让我想用机枪把他们全都扫死。我也恨那些细菌，或是任何我能联想到的造成了我现在这一切的任何原因。

　　身体的残疾使我更加坚定地相信人是由灵魂和肉体组成的，事实上我并不想拥有“这个”身体，但我想成为“这个”灵魂，我认为我是这样的，或者至少想象自己是这样的。（如果我是一个灵体，我就和你们一样，假如我不是，那么我什么都做不了，不是吗？）？

　　伊丽莎白是洛杉矶的一名演员，我们相识是因为她看了洛杉矶时报上有关我的一篇文章。大多数健全人对残疾人有先入为主的偏念，而她却对我和我的生活充满了好奇。她非常机智、热情而内敛，令人着迷。

　　利兹（伊丽莎白的昵称）称我为“毕加索人”，她说是因为我长得像毕加索画里面那些身体滑稽，但是心地美好的人。能有人这样看我令我非常感动，我一直对自己的外表非常自卑，而她却那么喜欢我，这让我感觉很特别。